i was just watching the men’s synchro when my dad walked in he looked at the tv and saw: and then he looked back at me, then looked back at the tv and saw: then me again, and then to the tv one last time: then he just walked away without saying anything well that was really awkward
oraphis: Pretended to die to see how my dog would react.
How does Aladdin break a melon open with his knee?
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like can I have some and I’m like no fuck off what do you think this is a charity
p1ssblog: I want a list of everyone who has ever masturbated to me
eytancragg: sportyspice94: the importance of an eñe yo tengo 15 anos (i have 15 anuses) yo tengo 15 años (i am 15 years old) important spanish lessons.
That look you give your friends when someone... →
votedleastlikely: votedleastlikely: my friend is taking a blow up doll to prom tonight i’m actually crying
I have the body of a god
Best pick-up line ever.
ovonikes: “Let’s go eat, I’m paying.”
when people reply to my messages quickly: omg how thoughtful
when i reply to a message quickly: ...i am so desperate
what if someone called your phone, whispered your url and then hung up
Me babysitting a little kid
why is it called a training bra what are you training for the bra olympics the boob championships the 100m breaststroke